Happy Friday!

Sooo, I received some good GLORIOUS news last night!

My cray-cray roommate situation is OVER!  She moved out!  And the apt mgmt is changing the locks!

SWEET!

I can finally have peace in my apartment again!

My home.

My abode.

My sanctuary.

My security.

My haven.

My shelter.

My place of rest.

It’s drama-free again!!

:D

So excited!

Also, I woke up to a beautiful thunderstorm this morning.  <3

Have a wonderful day y’all!

Sending all of you much peace, love, and happiness! XoXo

So, for those of you that don’t know, the last few weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotion for me.  And I finally figured out why.  And thank the fucking goddess of the universe because I thought I was going insane.

Things really haven’t been that intense, but I have been feeling over-whelmed with my over-flowing cup of life.

Mostly it’s been stress about work, roommate issues, quote-un-quote relationship unsureness (wow that is some horrible English, haha), and the unknown future of everything.

I am normally very level-headed in my life and can take on each day as it comes.

However, the last few weeks have been full of tears and stress and old habits that I should not be practicing because they are not cool and harmful to my body and mind.

I was thinking yesterday “why the fuck have I been freaking out?!”

I have been writing things down more and looking at them and thinking “these things are not a big deal and mostly out of my control, so why are they bothering me so much?!  What is causing me to think these thoughts and do these things and have emotional mood swings like I am going through menopause or something?!”

I was sure (sorry if this is t.m.i. (but not really sorry because this is my blog and I can post whatever I want to)) it was my period that was making me cray.

I am a girl, duh.  Periods happen.  And they usually come with some waves of estrogen that can cause some various mood swings.

But mine only last for like 4 days and these thoughts/actions have been occurring over the last 3 to 4 weeks.

Then it clicked!

I started taking “Women’s One-A-Day Vitamins” about a month ago… and obvs, it was a bad fucking idea.

Why did I start randomly taking vitamins?  Well, I’m vegan.  I have been for around 19 months.  When I bought the vitamins I was thinking “well since I’m vegan I’ve probably been missing out on some needed nutrition and vitamins are good for you and I should take them so I can have a balance… blah blah” .. WRONG!

Also t.m.i.: I haven’t been on birth control since I was 18 because it gave me cray mood swings and caused depression and I got in my head about too many things that didn’t really matter and I over stressed myself out way too much and did some really stupid things to myself (yikes, horrible ranting English, haha).  Unfortunately, in the last few weeks I had been falling back into those bad habits and thought patterns.

But I figured it out!  It was the vitamins!  They are meant to “balance” women.  Give EVERY woman (even though we are all completely different) the “balance” they need mentally and physically.  Haha.  NOPE.

So, I threw them out!  :D

I don’t need to take some artificial shit to feel my best.

I need sleep, exercise, and good-for-you food.  Like I have been doing.  And everything has been fine until I decided to change things for no apparent reason.

Stupid “Women’s One-A-Day Vitamins.”  So glad you are out of my life so I can get back to normal.

So glad I figured out what had been happening before I ended up in a destructive hole of a life like I did for a few months when I was 18.

So grateful I am 23 and everything is ok and I know that the universe is unfolding perfectly in every single moment and I have nothing to worry about and so much to be grateful for.

So grateful for contrast so I can see things clearly.

So grateful for all the support I have in my life with my family and friends and myself.

I love ya’ll so much!  <3

(Disclaimer:  This is not to say that birth control or vitamins are bad.. they just work for some and not for others.  BUT I definitely recommend doing some research before you take some artificial pills packed full of things you possibly don’t need in your life.)

Sending all of you much peace, love, and happiness!  XoXo

“In The Miso Soup” by Ryu Murakami

This book was awesome!  It’s a gore-tastic tour of Tokyo’s underground sex realm.  If you like gore or writing that makes you say things out loud like “what the fuck?!” then this is a must-read.  Hahah.  I did not know this novel would be so intense until I started reading it, but all 216 pages kept me on my toes and helped produce some cray-cray dreams if I read it right before bed.  In short, it’s about a psychopathic serial-killer American tourist that hires a “tour-guide” for Tokyo’s dirty districts and ends up slaughtering many people in various elaborate stomach-churning ways.

Damn, I’ve missed blogging.

For the most part, I’ve been tweeting my face off through my smart phone.. but nothing compares to sitting down at a laptop and typing out your thoughts and feelings in length for the general public to view and judge at their will.  Haha.

To be completely honest, I’ve put off blogging because my laptop is hella slow.  When I say slow, I mean it took about 10 minutes for me to get the internet up and this page loaded.  Quite annoying when you’re a spoiled american used to instant gratification.  #firstworldproblems  <- See, I even hashtag outside of twitter now.. jeeze.

Well, over the last (or first, rather) quarter of 2013, a lot has happened.  There have been many ups and downs on this roller-coaster and I have loved every second of it.  Contrast keeps life fun and interesting.  Even when it sucks, it makes the good so much better.

In chronological order (for the most part) this is what has happened:

I read some books!  Yeah, I know I normally do a little book review with every book, but I would have to back-log quite a bit, so I will just say you should read more and these are some options for you:

“The Particular Sadness Of Lemon Cake” by Aimee Bender (a light read)

“Secret Daughter” by Shilpi Somaya Gowda (will give you some heart-warming tears)

“Sophie’s World” by Jostein Gaarder (if you like philosophy, read this)

“Water For Elephants” by Sara Gruen (also a light read, but I liked the story better than the “Lemon Cake” book)

“Diary” by Chuck Palahniuk (great read, but “Fight Club” is still my favorite of his)

Ok, now that the quasi book reviews are done, I’ll start this review of life-happenings by backing it up a bit to give you some reference for what has happened over the last few months..

I jacked up my ankle while on an amazing vacation over the 2012 holidays and was out of work for the first three weeks of the year.

While my ankle was healing, I was also getting over a break-up with my ex, Luke.  Things happen for a reason, I guess.  Considering we work for the same organization, it was nice not going through the emotional cray of angry break-up blah blah in front of my co-workers.  Instead, I did it rather gracefully in front of my parents while my ankle was in a cast.  (I stayed with them because it turns out crutches and apartment stairs are enemies, not friends.)

Have I mentioned how grateful I am for my family?  I love my parents so much. <3 <3 <3  Gah, they are so amazing!  It literally brings tears to my eyes when I think about how much they have done for me and how much I love them and wish I could give them everything in return, times 4958729845, to be exact.  :b

Also, while stranded in the Cedar Park suburb, I was able to spend a lot of time with my lovely long-time friend, Marissa.  <3 Her little girl, Aja, is growing up so fast.  I really need to spend more time with them..

So February came and went and I turned 23!  (:  I spent my birthday in Corpus Christi, on a work trip, with a few other really awesome TCE folks.  Hooray for project 181!  We were there for a week and had a blast staying in a legit cabana of a long-time supporter/activist that lives right off the beach.

Also during February, Mark Seyer came back into my life.  <3  Oh the love I have for this man…  I’m so glad he is back in TX and out of war.  <3  I’ve known him since we were 17/18 and I am just smitten with him as a human being.  Can’t wait till he moves to Austin this summer!

The end of February/ beginning of March was very sloppy and filled with too many drunken and dosed nights, but it’s all part of the fun.

Also,  I lost a dear friend, Michael, suddenly.  He was found in his apartment .. and I was called by my sister with the news while I was at work.  This really sucked.  There is no other way to describe it.  It did bring together some friends I haven’t seen much over the last year, which was very nice, but the circumstances were horrible.  Yes, everyone dies eventually, but it is never fun to deal with the loss of a loved one.  Bah, enough on this, it’s too sad.  Rest in peace, Micheal.  Miss and love you tons.  <3

I spent a lot of March hanging out with a new guy in my life named Peter.  He is very sweet and we have done some pretty awesome things together, like SXSW, riding his motorcycle, trying new foods, and riding a tandem bike (after not being on a bicycle for 18 years, this was fucking amazing)!

So, the end of March brings me to the beginning of April, where I spent 2 weeks on a cross-train in White Planes, New York!  It was ridiculously cold there.  Haha, also fun, but very cold.  I am so grateful that my work gives me the opportunity to travel all over the country.  (:

After my cross-train, all of the field managers across the non-profit network I’m in (about 60 of us) met up for a 3 day weekend/conference in Pittsburgh.  It was very cold and rainy there too.  Haha.  This conference came at a great time though.  I was able to see some faces I haven’t seen in a while and it was so good to get rejuvenated by the meaning of what it is to be a field manager and the passion behind why we do the work we do to make a better world for future generations.  We are the movement.  I am the movement.  This is powerful. <3

Then after a great week back in Austin, I was sent on another project 181!  I was the one who ran it this time though, and I thought it went pretty well.  (:  We just got back on Friday .. and yes, ’twas great to be the one in charge.  Haha.  We were in Kerrville, Fredericksburg, and Lampasas.  We camped out at the Kerrville-Schreiner Park, and Enchanted Rock.  Both lovely areas, but both cold and wet.  Haha.  What is up with the weather?

Ah, yes, the lack of nice weather.. perhaps this correlates to my moods lately?  I’ve been vegan for about a year and a half now, but the last month or so I’ve been pretty lack on the strictness of my vegan choices… eating about 75% vegan, 25% vegetarian.  And this has definitely been altering my moods.  I feel “heavier” (closest feeling I can describe it as is depression, but not really, maybe guilt?) when I eat dairy products.  As a result, I have decided that for the next month I am going to go mostly raw!  I’m thinking raw for 5 days of the week.  It will be a nice “cleanse” and still allow for drinking and processed food every now and then.  (;  Oh, and definitely no more dairy.  Fuck that noise.

Also in the stormy weather category is one of my roommates being evicted.  I have been dealing with some cray tension in the apartment and the court room..  The sooner this is over, the better.  Coming back to negative energy in my own apartment is not cool.  How are you supposed to unwind after a long day when your home is filled with drama and lacks love and peace?  Yeah, difficult.  Patience is key in this matter though.. I can’t do anything but wait ’till it all works out.  And it always does.

Oh the universe, how you mysteriously unfold perfectly.  Every time.  <3

Well, that about sums up everything that’s been happening in the last few months.  As I mentioned, lots of ups and downs.  In the future, I promise to blog more..  I am going to be getting a new laptop with my ballin’ tax return that should be hitting my account here soon!  So excited!

Sending each and every one of you much peace, love, and happiness!  <3  XOXO

“Welcome To The Monkey House” by Kurt Vonnegut

Vonnegut, the crazy man he is, wrote some pretty amazing short stories.  This book is a collection of 25 said stories; all very weird and very different from one another.  Some of my favorites:

“Who Am I This Time” – a couple fell in love through theater, acting together in a play, and lived their lives from that point on only by performing different skits with each other.  For example, one week they would be “Romeo and Juliet” and the next week another couple, then the next week another couple.  You get the picture.

“Welcome To The Monkey House” – far into the future, when the Earth is densely crowded with a population of 17 billion, there is a new required form of “birth control” … by making people numb from the waist down, sex is no longer something to crave, therefore ending reproduction.  Billy the Poet, man gone rogue, wants to show women what pleasure is all about, so he captures them, weens them off their drugs, and gives them what they deserve.

“Unready To Wear” – a battle between jealous humans and those who can separate soul from body, able to live through many different skins, indefinitely, leaving worry, fear, anger, etc, all behind in the sack of flesh and bones.

“A Trip To The Beach” by Melinda Blanchard and Robert Blanchard

A sweet and light read telling the Blanchard’s transition from the country life in Vermont to the island life in Anguilla.  It was the perfect story to enjoy while vacationing in Anguilla, allowing plenty of day dreams to surface about what it would be like if I lived on the island.  The book is written from Melinda Blanchard’s perspective and I feel like I came to know her very well while she explained the trials and tribulations of setting up a very successful (and delicious) restaurant.  I not only recommend the read, but also a trip to Anguilla and the Blanchard’s place of business!

“Love In A Fallen City” by Eileen Chang

Meh, folks say not to judge a book by its cover, and I’d say that is a valid statement when taking this book into account.  The cover, as you can see above, is absolutely gorgeous.  The book, well, it’s dull.  It is composed of a few short stories, translated from Chinese to English, and I couldn’t really connect with any of them.  Maybe it’s because it reads similar to Jane Austen(?); over-dramatic and hopeless-romantic lives of depressing women who struggle with recognition in a man’s world… blah blah blah.  Unless you’re into that kind of thing, I wouldn’t recommend this read.

Also, I am so glad I have this blog.  It is so fun to see what has happened, aka, what I’ve published, over the last two years.

2012 has been such a great year!  So many things have happened:

I worked briefly at the beginning of the year as an administrative assistant for a paralegal and I am so grateful I had that job.

I took some classes at ACC and kicked ass, duh!

I started working at the best job ever with the most wonderful people in the entire world, TCE! <3  And with them I have traveled all over Texas, New Jersey, and New York, and have met some absolutely fabulous folks along the way!  Now I am in the process of working into my 2nd promotion.  (:

I fell in love with someone.  Though it may not have worked out, I am so glad that I met him and that we shared the moments we had and that we can (hopefully) continue to be in each other’s lives.

I celebrated my one-year anniversary of being vegan!

I celebrated my three-year anniversary of quitting cigarettes!

I am now car-free, which is pretty great, honestly.

And for the end of the year, I went on a marvelous 3 week vacation!  My family and I went to paradise, aka, Anguilla, for the holidays!  (You can see pictures through my twitter @blverbeke or facebook.)

I cannot say “thank you” enough to all of the people in my life, especially my family.  I love you all so very much and I am so excited to see what all we can do together in this new year! <3

I am sure there are things that I forgot to mention in this post, but in general, I love my life, every second of it.  I am so very grateful to be alive!  <3

We started with “Red and Green Winter Stoup” again, which is found in “Rachael Ray’s Big Orange Book.”  I forgot to take a picture of it this year.. haha, oops.  The ingredients are (roughly) olive oil, potatoes, onion, vegetable stock, kale, roasted red peppers, crushed fire-roasted tomatoes, garlic, cracked black pepper, salt, cilantro, parsley, bay leaves, cayenne, chili powder, and some other spices, all topped with vegan cheese.

Our main meal consisted of (starting at the top of the plate, going clockwise):

1.  ”Mushroom-Miso Gravy” found in “Vegan Cooking For One” made with portobello mushrooms,  spicy miso, quinoa flour, salt, cracked black pepper, olive oil, and vegetable broth (the recipe is slightly altered).

2.  My sister, DonNell, found and made “Gluten-Free Cornbread Stuffing With Maple Roasted Acorn Squash” on glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com (DonNell is gluten-free).  This dish was so freaking delicious.  She adjusted some of the ingredients, but it basically consisted of vegan gluten-free cornbread, olive oil, celery, onion, apples, thyme, curry, cinnamon, cranberries, veggie broth, maple syrup, acorn squash, salt, and cracked black pepper.

3.  Cranberry sauce in a can, because we can, and we’re lazy.

4.  String beans and broccolini, tossed and baked in olive oil, garlic, cracked black pepper, cayenne pepper, onion powder, and salt.  This recipe is called “Roasted Broccolini and Beans” and is found in “Rachael Ray’s Big Orange Book.”

5.  Vegan cheese!

6.  ”Sweet and Spicy Brussels Sprouts” (but the vegan version) also found in “Rachael Ray’s Big Orange Book.”  This was made with carrots, brussels sprouts, white wine vinegar, agave, veggie stock, bay leaf, onion, bell pepper, mustard seed, turmeric, celery salt, and cracked black pepper, all topped with Sriracha!  Duh.

And finally, for dessert, my mom made a delicious gluten-free, vegan pecan pie!  It was so amazing I forgot to take a picture of it.. :b

I am so grateful for this life.  <3  And yummy vegan noms.