Time for an update in the world of Betty Leigh Verbeke! (: Get ready for some longgg run-on sentences. Haha. Yeahhhh. Thought-streaming is what this is. Enjoy!
1. I’ve been living at my new place for a little over a month now and completely love it. My roommate is super chill and easy to live with. He is clean and has a great sense of humor and has introduced me to some fantastic music. We are really comfortable with each other & it feels like we have be living together for much longer than we really have. We both run different and busy schedules which allows us to have our time alone when we need it. I really appreciate that. This last weekend, I finally finished hanging up all of the art in the new place and now it feels even more like my home. I’m still wanting to buy curtains and a new duvet comforter set, but those will surely come over the next few weeks.
2. I haven’t heard anything back from the Peace Corps application yet. I have tried to contact their recruiting office in Dallas 3 times now, but I have been disconnected every time, so I feel like I should let things unfold naturally. I know the Universe is taking care of me, so I’ll just let it roll this Peace Corps thought around in its mouth for however long it wants to savor the idea. (: What I find a tad concerning is that my friend who has been a paramedic for a few years was denied his application because he doesn’t have a 4-year degree. I also do not have a 4-year degree, instead I have 4 years of college with 2 unfinished degrees. HAH. And for now, I don’t plan on going back to school because (after many in-depth conversations with multiple people) I still don’t see the point in spending a bunch of time and money for some temporary knowledge to pass some tests to earn a fancy piece of paper to put in a frame to hang on a wall if I’m still not entirely sure what I want to do with my life and if I will even need that piece of paper to get where I want to go. Actually, I probably do need it, but I’ll figure that out later. Right now it’s just a back-burner idea while I live my life in the present.
3. It’s been over 4 months since my ex and I broke up and about 6 weeks since we’ve seen each other and I truthfully want to say that everything has healed and I’ve moved on and I hope he has done the same.. and I suppose, for the most part, I can truthfully say that.. but I also sometimes catch myself lost in sweet memories of “us” and it makes me feel like I have cotton filling my chest cavity like a child’s favorite stuffed animal that they squeeze too tight when they are in bed alone at night in the dark and I have to learn how to breathe through it. So there’s that. Also, on Sept. 2nd it will be exactly one year from the day I met him. That blows my mind that I fell in love so deep and so fast and it feels like it lasted so long but not nearly long enough and we made such a connection that his ghost rests in my bones with the rest of my past’s spirits. Ohhh deep love, you’re such a wonderful thing. I can’t wait to find you again.
4. I celebrated my one-year anniversary on July 24th of quitting a terrible habit and dealing with the ups and downs of reality appropriately instead of taking it out on my body with guilt and self-loathing. Yikes, that sounds really terrible.. So to be black and white about it, I stopped eating my emotions and then vomiting them back up. (Wow. That too sounds kind of terrible, but it also feels really freeing and terrifying to admit on my public blog when I know there are probs going to be people reading this who know me but don’t know this about me. So.. Surprise! I’ve dealt with some heavy shit and I overcame it because I’m a badass! Haha.)
5. In the same food-related-realm as the previous paragraph, after the last 3 years of being vegan, I started eating non-vegan things on occasion and I’m deciding not to feel guilty about it. For the most part. I suppose part of ridding myself of that guilt is being open about it. In short, sometimes I crave fish or eggs, so I go get sushi or a breakfast taco every now and then and I enjoy it. It’s my conscious decision and I know by doing so I am putting my taste buds above my morals and I am probably supporting a terrible industry that is abusing animals and destroying ecosystems. But maybe all the restaurants I go to in Austin are awesome and don’t purchase from such horrid corporations? Eehh, maybe some, but def not all of them.. quick, someone call the Vegan Police!
6. I went to my first ever Quidditch Tournament and really really enjoyed it! I met some awesome people and animals. (: I loved seeing the friendly competition and incredible athleticism and agility and skill and determination and shit-talking and strength and stamina and yeah! (Growing up with 10 years of dance, I didn’t have this. Though I do appreciate dance and what it did for me, I wish I would have participated in sports instead. Aah, maybe in the next life?) Everyone I met was open and chill and hearing the people on the side-lines talk was extremely entertaining. Esp listening to the older couples (I’m assuming parents of the players) debate over the game and explain the rules to each other. Haha, I think I could explain it to anyone at this point & I never even finished the Harry Potter series. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone!
7. I’ve been seeing a lot of improv at the Hideout Theatre I’m seriously impressed with these talented actors who off-the-cuff make up great shows.
8. I went to the Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Festival for the second year. If you know me, you know I LOVE SPICY FOODS. This year it was only 104 outside instead of 112 like last year, & those few degrees made a huge difference. I went with Jeff and Renee and some of their friends and we tried probably over 60 hot sauces. Our last line to walk through was deemed the “Line o’ Death” and oh my goodness some of those were dangerously spicy. I’m surprised I didn’t get a chemical burn on my tongue from trying so many, but I did get a nice little endorphin high! Haha.
9. I curled by hair again! I’m still kind of in after-shock because it’s a few inches shorter and REALLY CURLY and I don’t really know how to handle it, but it’s growing on me. Literally. Hah. I remember loving it last time I did it and this time I really wanted to curl it because I was in a “I need to change everything in my life as much as possible” mode and now I’m not so sure I would have made the choice if I would have waited a little longer, but I’m beautiful either way, so whatever. Haha. Did you know Humility is my middle name? :P
10. I started running again! Exercise releases the most wonderful endorphins into your brain! Yeah, it’s a fact. Science. FTW! Haha. :b Anddd runner’s high is easily the best high. After a run, I not only feel better about myself and am proud of myself, I also get a fuzzy-coated-synapse-feeling that is quasi-orgasmic. I’ve been running 4-5 days a week for the last 4 (going on 5!) weeks! Oh, and there is the bonus of losing weight and gaining muscle too.
11. Another ritual I’ve been committed to the last 5 weeks is attending the Austin Poetry Slam every Tuesday like I used to (it’s crazy to think I’ve been going to this on and off since like 2010/2011ish). But oh my good feels, talk about a fuzzy-coated-synapse-feeling! The everything that comes seeing and hearing absolute raw beautiful truth gut-twisting honest heart-wrenching secrets being shared in an intimate setting with talent and strength and vulnerability brings me to tears literally every fucking time. Unfff, I can’t get enough! Those wordsmiths know how to tell it & they tell it so fucking good. If you’ve never been, please please please go and give yourself that experience. Tuesdays, 8:30p, Spiderhouse Ballroom. I hope I see you there. I might even buy you a drink. (:
12. I’m journaling all. the. time. Whether it’s art or poetry or just thoughts or scribbles or blog posts that I don’t post or blog posts that I do post or whatever, I’m doing it. This self-expression thing is a great way to.. well, express myself. Haha. I digg it!
13. && on that tangent of self-expression above, I’m slowly but surely gaining my independence and confidence again to tackle the world head on and on my own. It’s surprisingly easy to live a sub life, but I used to be a dom & I’m rebuilding that idea in a different way now and I like how things are turning out. I’m getting to be more and more balanced & so is my life. Thanks Science/Universe/Mama Nature/Higher Power/Insert-Name-Here for this life and how it’s unfolding absolutely perfectly! <3
14. Idk if he would approve of me using his name, so.. I’ve been hanging out with my friend for a few months now, and I am really enjoying it. Like, more than a lot. (: I think that we connect really well on some levels and that we are going through similar situations and can empathize with each other and have fairly mutual thoughts on what is happening and enjoying each other and sharing each other and I am grateful and happy and feel pretty fulfilled that I have that with him and I am hoping/guessing he would say the same. Plus, the laughing and good looks and sweetness and orgasms and silliness and fun adventures and spoiling and differences in our personalities and being ourselves and being comfortable and feeling understood and open and vulnerable and and and etc. etc. etc. Yeahh, the list keeps going and it’s all pretty fucking great.
15. I’ve been catching up with and chillin’ with different new and old friends and with my family because I have had some more free time and have given myself a very engaging and diverse social life since my ex and I split ways and I feel pretty satiated and fulfilled outside of the workplace and that feels phenomenal. <3 Making new male friends has been somewhat interesting though because I am a very open person and can connect with just about anybody and enjoy connecting with just about anybody, but some can take that as me wanting to connect on a different type of level. And yes, I know that I am a sexually driven person and technically I am not in a committed relationship, so I am open to connect with people on that level, but I don’t necessarily want to at this point in time unless it feels right. Did you read #14, the paragraph before this one? Haha. Anyway, I guess I’m saying I’m finding it difficult to define boundaries and lines with new friends when I do my best to go into all interactions with love and openness. It’s like there has to be an awkward moment where clarity is made.. For some reason I feel like that shouldn’t have to happen, but maybe it does? I am not really sure how to do this yet – clarify things with people. The sentence I try to form in my mouth is something like “I just want to be a platonic friend with you right now, but that isn’t necessarily how I will always feel as I get to know you more” and that sounds so weird, so I never end up saying it. But I’m learning. I’d like to talk about this topic more with people so I can get different opinions and input besides the most common “well maybe you just shouldn’t hang out with them if it’s so awkward” because that isn’t the answer I’m looking for.
16. Back to speaking of the workplace and tossing in some awkwardness, things are good at the law office, but have been a tad bit “off” lately. Idk how to explain it, but I feel like the air is different and the vibes have changed. I understand that totally happens naturally over time, but lately it’s been kind of forced and yeah.. Maybe it’ll clear? Either way, I am about to celebrate my one-year anniversary at the office on Sept. 16th, so that’s cool!
Okk, I think this incredibly long post covers basically everything that’s been happening as of late. It does feel really good to do an overview like this. It’s eye-opening and I have a deeper appreciation and understanding for my experiences when I relay them like this. You should try it. (: & if you read through all of it, thanks for reading! I love you! <3 <3 <3