I don’t like the cold! D: *stomps foot like a child*
I loveeee EVERYTHING about the heat (except maybe sweating profusely when it’s like 100+ degrees, but even that I can handle).
However, I love very few things about the cold..
3. Reasons to drink more coffee & tea
4. Snuggling with blankets & people
5. & how it looks outside. I love that during every season though. Nature is just so beautiful!
I think my least favorite thing about the cold is having to wear socks. I seriously DESPISE socks. I want to be barefoot or in flip-flops forever. Socks suck.
End of rant.
Since I last posted….
1. I celebrated my 3-year-veganniversary! I’m like 80% vegan / 20% pescetarian right now. Sushi happens. Breakfast tacos happen more often than sushi. #sorrynotsorry HAH, but still – 3 years is impressive & I’m proud of myself!
2. Went to my second Quidditch tournament to support Craig & his team (& I’m going to my third one this weekend)! Even though it was cold & rainy, it was still awesome! (: & Craig’s team won, of course! PS, you should watch Mudbloods – it’s a documentary on Quidditch! It’s even on Netflix. Check that shit out!
3. I decided internet dating is lame & people portray themselves online wayy differently than they do in person. & everyone is THIRSTYYY. Hahah, for real though.
4. I finally got to hang out with my good friend, Mark, after not seeing him for almost 2 years even though he lives just 3 hours away in Dallas.. *cough cough* Haha, anyway, it was SO VERY good to see him! I am so glad that he is doing well & kicking ass in school! (:
5. I went to the TCE Trash Makeover event! It was great to see all the impressive recycled fashion designs & hang out with my old co-workers & celebrate all of TCE’s victories they have achieved over this last year! I’ll love all the TCE-ers forever & always! <3
6. The love/lust/longing/whatever the fuck it is that I’m feeling right now is really fucking complicated. I know what I want & I know what I don’t want & I don’t know what I want & I don’t know what I don’t want & I’m fucking confused by everything related to my love life. Bleghh. *takes deep breath*
7. My dad turned 59 & still looks like he is 40! Hahah, yeahhh, so glad I have those genes! We went to Jack Allen’s Kitchen for their breakfast/brunch and it was absolutely DELICIOUS. The tomato-basil-feta-quiche-pie-thing… *drools* :b Then we watched the movie Divergent, which was pretty good – it kind of reminded me of Hunger Games.
8. One of my best friends, Marissa, turned 31! We had birthday drinks at Sherlock’s Pub! Yay for birthdays & best friends! *Note to self: We need to hang out more often!*
9. & speaking of best friends, I finally got to hang out with one of my other besties, Kelly Joy, & I got to meet her man, Andrew! They are such a cute couple! <3 *Note to self: We also need to hang out more!*
10. I caught up with my friend/old roommate, Molly! We normally have dinner together about once a month, but it had been a few months since I had seen her. I love how she has such a different view on life than I do, yet we are able to share our sides & see things differently & appreciate the other’s view. Plus, we always have the best girl chat / dishing of dirt over margaritas. :b Really, we can’t go wrong.
11. Craig & I went as Marry Poppins & Bert the Chimney Sweep for Halloween! We had a blast at the parties we went to & received lots of compliments on our costumes – we even won first prize in a costume contest at a party we didn’t attend! :b
12. I moved out of my crazy ex-roommate’s place! Hooray, that psycho asshole is no longer in my life! Hahah, seriously though.. I am SO MUCH HAPPIER living with my friends, Sean & Laura! (: I am surrounded by good people & sweet dogs. <3 Zero complaints.
13. I paid off my Invisalign! I didn’t necessarily expect to so soon, but the interest rate was fucking OUTRAGEOUS & I about vomited when I saw what they were charging me, so I paid it ALL off. I am so grateful I have the finances available to do this. Yay for financial responsibility!
14. I’m still going to the Austin Poetry Slam every Tuesday! <3 It’s my version of church.. & I LOVEEE it.
15. Since it’s cold now, I’m starting yoga again! Hooray for heated studios! Oh how I love the feeling of being in a studio again. <3 I feel at peace & stretched on multiple levels. Maybe I should just do this instead of focusing on my confusing love life dilemmas? Yeahh, that sounds like a good plan. Haha, plus – there is NO WAY I am running outside in this weather. Nuh uh.
16. I probs shouldn’t post this last one, but fuck it – I finally heard something from the Peace Corps! They nominated me for a position in Ethiopia & said they would contact me with more info in a few months & I might have an interview to do in the future! My goodness, this is a sloww process! Also, I have super mixed feels about going to Ethiopia for 2 years.. but my friend, Rachel, is headed there in January, so I’m trying to calm myself down about it. 8D *terrified excitement*
… & that’s about all for now – XoXo – love you all! <3 <3 <3
Yay! It’s October now! That means Halloween & Sean/Laura’s BAD ASS Halloween party at the end of the month! :D
So, between my last update at the end of August and me typing this right now…
1. I’m still attending the Austin Poetry Slam at Spider House Ballroom every Tuesday with Craig & I continue to find myself in tears every fucking time at the raw beauty and open honesty of it all. <3 Ugh, endless good feels.
2. I celebrated my one-year anniversary at the Law Office! One of my bosses even bought me flowers and vegan cupcakes to show the love & I most definitely feel it! <3 Also, they have been giving me wayy more work, like actual legal work, which keeps me busy and engaged. (: I’m a happy little legal assistant right now.
3. I finally bought a new duvet cover for my bed!!! I got rid of my old one back in April when my ex and I separated because it was all memory soaked – you know how that goes. Anyway, I LOVE my new one & am SO VERY happy that I can finally be comforted again by my big fluffy comforter just in time for winter. <3
4. I dealt with some family drama/issues, which is always a blast. (Sarcasm font – why do you not exist yet?) But things are getting better, I think, and I am happy that the people close to me are making important positive changes in their lives to better themselves. (: I am very proud of them and I love them indefinitely. <3 (I know I’m being vague here, but I’m not here to air my family’s “dirty laundry,” just my own, haha.)
5. Speaking of dirty laundry though… the MOST RIDICULOUS thing is happening in my life right now. A few months ago I moved into this adorable little townhome off Manchaca/S. Lamar that I absolutely love, but my PSYCHO ROOMMATE is KICKING ME OUT OF MY OWN HOME WHERE WE SPLIT ALL BILLS 50/50 because I am -get this – “TOO SEXUAL” of a person for him. HAHAHAHA, yes, you read that correctly. Apparently, the sex that I have ONCE A WEEK (maybe twice on a good week) with the SAME PERSON makes me a “sexual deviant” in his eyes and it’s “off-putting” and “disgusting” to live with and I need to “class myself up.” BAHAHAHAHAH. I am not even joking – these are direct quotes & I have the text messages to prove it. So yeah, I’m currently looking for a new place to live (most likely alone again, for self explanatory reasons) and will be moving on Nov. 1st. If you are a friend and have a truck *nudge nudge, hint hint* I love you forever for helping me. (;
6. I went on a lovely beach trip with an awesome group of people that I am so grateful to know! We rented a condo in Port Aransas and stayed there for 4 days/ 3 nights. It was gray most of the time we were there, & the beach was… well – it’s the Gulf Coast, aka the armpit of America. :P If you’ve been, you know. We all had a great time though! The first night we made a large bonfire on the beach and the other two nights we stayed in and hung out with each other and laughed and played cards and such. It was really relaxing trip. I read through almost 3 books and we were sober for about zero percent of the time, hahah, it was exactly what we all needed.
7. I sincerely wanted to go to the Gay Pride Parade downtown (I went last year and LOVED it!), but I totally slept through it this year on accident. /: My heart and spirit were there though! <3
8. I attended the People’s Climate March (we started at the Capitol and walked through downtown while chanting and holding signs) with a bunch of my TCE friends! This was a nation-wide event that collected about 400,000 people in NYC alone! The event was created to bring awareness and make a statement about the severity of the climate crisis that somehow people are STILL denying and/or not addressing! I am so very grateful that I was able to be a part of the march this year!
9. I started jogging with Craig’s dog, Molly! We run together almost every day (Monday-Friday) after I get off work. She is the absolute BEST DOG! She is so sweet and obedient and full of love! I love her to pieces and I am so happy I have a little motivational running partner. (: I have a feeling I will be a dog owner myself in the near-ish future.. either that or I will continue to constantly borrow the love & affection from my friend’s dogs, haha. <3
9. I had a FANTASTIC tarot card reading by one of my neighbors. I’ve never had such a revealing and in-depth reading from someone who knew absolutely nothing about me! (Jessica & Kelly, I need a reading asap to compare!)
10. I bought a dresser from my friend, Amy! I haven’t had one in years and it is SO NICE to have a real place to put all my clothes (and my make-up and incense, haha)! Plus, since she is moving & is awesome, I got a great dresser for just $20!
11. I joined the online dating world. HAHAHA. Yep. I bit the bullet and crafted a profile and put pictures up and everything. To be honest, it’s not half bad, but the beginning was OVERWHELMING! I was BOMBARDED with messages and 95% of them were ones that I was definitely NOT interested in reading. It’s calmed down a bit now and I’ve been on a few dates, but that’s about it. Haha, I’m not really sure why I’m using it anyway because I am smitten with someone at the moment (& have been for the last few months), but we are in an “open-ish relationship,” so I guess I am just keeping my opportunities open like he is. (?) Plus, all the awkwardness that comes in the online dating realm makes for a funny conversation topic. :b
12. Lastly, I recently watched Cloud Atlas and it blew me away! There was so much synchronicity with different conversations I’ve been having and all the déjà vu I’ve been getting lately and it made me feel warm fuzzies because I do my best to live my life leading with my heart & love first. It also really got me thinking again about plans for my future career(s) and being a bigger part of the revolution for equality of all people and land. Why this is still an issue endlessly baffles me, but I am more than willing to spend my life being a large cog in the machine of progress!
Well, that’s about it for now, my loves! I hope you all are enjoying the fuck out of your lives! <3 XoXo
Duality of Self by Betty Leigh Verbeke
lately, when I spend time in a group of friends
whether it’s with 3 people or 15
I subconsciously count another there
an extra being, or a thick shadow of one
the first time it happened, I was hanging out with two friends at their apartment
we were all seated around a table and I kept sensing that there was someone sitting right next to me
like there was an imaginary barstool with a body resting on it
I could feel their presence, their vibrations
after glancing to my right multiple times trying to see this invisible thing that I felt,
I decided my mind was just playing tricks on me
however, as the night unfolded, the figment of a figure stayed there with us
and I realized that I was somehow switching views with this presence
I was viewing myself from a different perspective,
an outside perspective that I could also feel from the inside view
I was splitting in two and I was literally sitting next to myself
sometimes I would be in my body recognizing my other outside half
and sometimes I would be my other outside half recognizing my body
it sounds insane, I know.. but let me try to explain a little with this:
we are not our thoughts
we are not that little voice inside our heads that keeps us up at night
well, technically, that is us, but that is just a part of us, that voice is just the ego talking
the true us is outside of the ego, it’s the universal us, it’s the everything else that recognizes that little voice
now that we have those terms, the ego self and the universal self, I’ll continue with my story
when I’m in my separate self, my universal self, I’m viewing my own body
I’m watching my movements and I’m watching my ego speak in autopilot on my behalf
my ego self is the girl who was confused as to what the presence was in the beginning of this story
when I’m my universal self, my higher-self, I’m connected to everything
I’m able to view myself from the universal perspective
in those moments, I’m my truest self because I’m the universe literally viewing itself
I’m everything that is and was and ever will be staring into the mirrored reflection of my own creation
and I’m able to appreciate the volnerable skin & bone self that I’m creating
it’s the best work of art I’ve created thus far, and it’s still in the process of being created
it’s the me that is alive and represents the entirity of the universe through the Betty Leigh Verbeke experience
I’m able to see all that I’ve gone through that makes what I’ve currently become
and I can see small projections of where I’m possibly going in the future
the most fascinating part of the duality dynamic is I can’t feel when I switch from one perspective to the other,
whether I’m in body or out of body, I’m still fully me both times, so the transition is seamless
my ego self is able to feel my universal self watching me at the same time that my universal self is observing my ego self live and speak and be me and everything at once
the time I’m able to really tell the difference is when I can feel every single one of the countless number of stars flooding my mouth and veins that seem to have no ends, and then in the next moment I can only feel the stars surrounding me in a blanket of knowledge and love and understanding
when my ego speaks alone, when I’m watching my ego talk from my universal perspective, I can see all the words are saturated with déjà vu
I can see all the little memories that created the ego soaked into every syllable,
just like my pillows and clothes were with your scent when we used to fall asleep together, tangled with each other
when my ego speaks, I hear you on all of the consonants, whether hard or soft, you’re there
the former us, we are there
what we were and why we aren’t anymore, it’s all there
my universe self sits in the spot where you used to stand
I’m viewing myself from where you used to see me and where you used to love me
I question if I now feel myself more than ever split into these two separate but same parts of me because I’m filling the void of where you used to be,
of where you left that empty space when we said goodbye,
the space that I technically created because I was the one who ended it the second time
yet you still take up so much fucking space in my day to day ego driven thoughts and in my universal heart that I’m starting to share with someone new
this someone who is absolutely wonderful and can see my ego self and my universal self as one and can appreciate her in the everything that she is
and I can see his duality of self as well, and I know I appreciate all the galaxies that we share and all the black holes that our egos get lost in
yet somehow I’m stuck wondering why you can’t see me at all anymore
but I guess it’s for the best
I fully trust the universe
I know that it’s unfolding perfectly and that everything is working out exactly as it should
I know this because the ego self and universe self are both me and we are everything that is and was and ever will be and this is all just part of our Betty Leigh Verbeke experience
Merman by Betty Leigh Verbeke
to the man I met on land
who asked me out for a swim…
we drove to the coast & shed our clothes
we walked naked into the ocean
eyes open & arms wide
letting the sea swallow us whole
we willingly sank to the bottom, unafraid
we danced with the clams & let the salt water fill our lungs full
we grew gills & held hands,
exploring the dark unknown together
we played hide & seek in the coral reefs
we sprouted scaled tails & you braided my hair with seaweed
we had no definite plans for the future & we had endless time
yet somehow, anticipation found us there at the bottom of the ocean
maybe it was the shimmer of that sailboat you spotted
or maybe it was the memory of sunshine between our toes,
either way, we decided to surface again
once back on land, our gills disappeared & our tails split at their ends
oxygen refilled our lungs & it was a pleasurable burn
our fingers unfurled from one another & we took separate paths off the shore
gaze now focused anew on the city,
no longer lost in our sweet adventure through the depths of the sea
today, visiting the beach is a different kind of fun
the friends I bring like to splash and play chase the waves
without words, “it’s too risky to dive deep,” is what we say to each other
instead we build sandcastles & smile
we let the sun shine between our toes
but when I dream, I repeatedly swim back into the coral caverns, seeking my hiding Merman
the memory allows me to hear the bubbles we made while laughing
when I awake, I find salt in my ears & dried seaweed braided in my hair
I wonder if one day I will find another man who likes to dance with the clams
Saturday (8/30/14) I hiked Twin/Sculpture/Hidden Falls.
It’s a few miles of what used to be rushing waterfalls in Southwest Austin.
An extension of Barton Creek Greenbelt.
Don’t get me wrong, even though it’s basically dry, it’s still an absolute gorgeous hike.
I got “lost” for a few hours (2p-6p), just wandering around.
Laying down in the shade or sun.
Listening to the wind, my breath, the leaves, and the phantom waterfalls.
I hiked probably close to 12 miles.
& I took my sketch book with me as my companion.